Thursday, February 18, 2010

THE most wonderous invention never made

we’ve been thinking about this for a long time at the headless kitchen, but ever since we’ve put a ban on tobacco it’s become something of an obsession: WHY WHY WHY hasn’t the snack food industry come up with virtual food yet?

virtual food could be the invention of the century you know. imagine buying a stack of virtual pringles, or a virtual happy meal, or a cone of virtual baskin robbins, or a slab of virtual cadbury’s, or a pot of virtual nutella, or virtual brownies, or virtual cheese, or virtual coke, or hell, virtual anything your heart desires, and blissfully bingeing on it until your eyes pop.

except it's just fresh air or some such guilt free substance that crunches and melts and tastes like the real mcoy.

a bit like virtual sex, only better.

do you know how much time they wasted figuring out how to reconstitute the potato fry and the potato chip? do you have any idea how many gazillion trillion zillions worth of junk the snack food industry cooks up to sell us every year?

google it, my friends, because we don’t know how to count beyond what the weighing scales tell us at the headless kitchen.

it really doesn’t take a genius to figure out that virtual food could make the snack food tycoons richer than they have the good sense to think of.

but no, they’d rather sell us their dodgy shit than sell us virtually nothing!